A version of this was included in the RWNZ Heart to Heart in 2023.
Here’s and amended version of the original submission.
In 2018, I participated in a book anthology called Kiss Me: An Asian Hero Boxed Set. While many may take issue with a ‘white woman’ writing about an ‘Asian hero’, I want to point out that I wrote my hero as a mixed-race man who just happened to be Australian and while during the worst of the backlash, we were vilified for ‘fetishizing Asian men’, I will point out my goal was never to ‘make a thing of how he looked’ but more about the person portrayed in the story. As you can guess, there was controversy surrounding this boxed set, but today I wanted to raise a question. How do we, as authors, cope with the pressures when attacked for our work?
We’ve seen it before, the pile on that happens on authors, actors and anyone who dares to ‘cross a line’ and raise something that others find arguably contentious, and it’s usually something done with the best of intentions.
In 2018, the authors of our set faced a huge backlash for daring to write about Asian men. Now, I can only speak for myself… I have a diverse and culturally extensive family. My husband and I also have deep and abiding ties to an Asian country. We don’t talk about it because it’s a deeply personal journey. But when I wrote The Hero of Heartbreak Hill, I wanted to present my hero as, not just a keeper, but a man of standing. One who’d achieved a position of authority by himself, through hard work. A man who would support the woman he loves against a most incredibly dangerous situation.
Pro Tip: Many people look at my bio pictures and my electronic profiles and think they know the real me. I share maybe 10% of my real life… So, when people just to conclusions about me, they honestly have no understanding of my reality, of who and what I am. This was a key thing when I finally wrote, “Is That The Best We Can Be” blog article post-scandal. To remind people that the persona I show online is not all of who and what I am, and that perhaps the angry mob didn’t get my characters are written from my experience of life and in actual fact were more.
I’m digressing, however.
So back on track, in 2018, myself and my fellow authors were attacked. Emotionally and verbally for writing about Asian heroes.
Facebook and Twitter erupted.
The comments were horrible.
It lasted a full week, and during this time, there was no other option but to hunker down, ride the wave as best we could and support each other. Waking up to the storm, seeing the comments was hideous. Keeping our heads above water took a lot of effort. I’m lucky, as the group was mostly supportive.
Keeping your sanity under the onslaught of vicious attacks is never simple. It eats at you, like caustic acid. It undermines your very sense of self-worth. I can see why stronger people buckle under the strain. Even now, just writing about it is stressful. I can feel my own blood pressure rising. But at the end of the day, that’s why no one much discusses the actual event, because it’s the remembered stress that gets in the way.
As a result, no one really gets the opportunity to talk about the aftermath either. There’s few learnings to take and even less who have weathered the storm willing to raise their heads in case you get attacked again, Usually the authors who survive, go to ground, to let the wounds heal for a period thereafter and slowly re-emerge battered and bruised. And even more to the point, far more wary and restrained than they would have been prior.
And yes, they are wounds the author suffers, as surely as a gash from an automobile accident, and they hurt.
The echoes hang around for a long time.
But I also learned something valuable.
During these times, the support of your family, friends and those who support you are vital to coming out on the other side, still whole and intact, if a little battered.
We hear talk about resilience a lot in the media, but how can we get through these kinds of trials?
My first key takeaway is:
*walk away from the computer and phone. Disconnect yourself.
Yes, those comments will still be there, but take time to let yourself heal. If necessary, have a trusted person delete the comments from your feed and your messaging services.
*Have a group of friends and family who are supportive keep an eye on you, and don’t be afraid to reach out.
Simple to say and harder to do, but this is key to your mental health in these situations.
*Seek assistance if you are unable to cope. There’s plenty of support services, so don’t be afraid to use them. This doesn’t make you weak, nor does it give power to the comments, this is taking the time to look after your own welfare.
You cannot control the actions of others.
That’s their responsibility, but you can derive a plan for dealing with these situations. That’s a resiliency that will stand you in good stead for going forward.
Ahead of working with others, I also caution that you find out more about who you will be working with. Ask yourself:
*Are they established and well-known in the industry?
As surely as you want to work with an author with an established following, you also want to know if they will have your back in a situation such as this. Sure, you don’t go into these anthologies with a electronic controversy foremost in your mind, but it should be part of your decision-making process…
*Who will stand with you should things unexpectedly go pear shaped?
*Can you rely on your fellow authors?
It’s never simple.
It’s never easy.
It’s hard, it’s shattering but with a couple of key points, you can weather the storm, and come out on the other side.
Yes, you’ll be a little dented, but wear those scars with pride, because they’re your medals of resiliency.